The introduction in Chapter 12: Seeking Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships, was very interesting because I haven’t experienced any parent, who would do that to their children in public. Personally, I don’t know if I could humiliate my children in public like that but I definitely agree with this mom that something has to be done for the children in our society today to behave more accordingly.
The concept that I could resonate more with was reward power. Today, I see parents work hard and spend less time with their children. Therefore, they use a different strategy to make up the time with their children. My boyfriend’s cousin is 16 and her parents work constantly because they own a business, so they buy her laptop, iPods, clothes, game boys, etc. Basically, they feel bad that they can’t spend time with her. They are lucky that she has become a good girl. Some teenagers can go into the wrong direction because of the lack of attention from parents.
3 comments:
You wrote a very interesting post. I agree that I don’t think I could humiliate my children in public like Spann did. I didn’t even know something like that was legal.
Reward power is an interesting concept. I definitely agree that parents work so much that they do not even have time to talk to their children or see what is going on in their lives. Instead they practically buy their child anything from a wide list of things you mentioned as well. I think there is a point where parents actually need to stop thinking about work and start paying attention to their children.
You know, I think if I was desperate enough I could humiliate my child. I guess the mom felt she had no other choice since the weaker alternatives didn't work. But I think she could also do this because she does not think that her daughter's actions are a personal reflection on herself (the mother.) This, is really hard for parents because they would be as embarrassed or even more so than their child. Have you ever seen a toddler have a fit while shopping because the parent refused to buy them something that they want? Well, the majority of parents who give in do so because they don't like the negative attention--stares from other people. Every child is different and since kids don't come with a manual, parents have to be creative about how they get their message across. So even though i would not be eager to use this method, if i could think of nothing else that would be effective i would do it.
I think that if parents get frustrated enough and don’t really know what else to do if their child is so bad that they would in fact humiliate them. Perhaps in some cases such as the example in the book, it necessary and it can work. And that’s why like in the book, they call it tough love. It’s not like Spann humiliated her daughter with violence or something like that. And as the book suggested that if the mother used reward power for her daughters changed behavior, I don’t agree with that. I don’t think buying you child clothes or giving money for not being a bully is the right thing. I think if she rewards her in any way it should be with verbal affirmations rather than gifts. I think buying her gift would send the wrong message.
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