Saturday, July 5, 2008
Blog Entry16
From the lecture notes, I was familiar with the collectivistic and individualistic concepts. Because I am an International Business major, I came across the terms many times. Most International Businesses classes mentioned about the differences of communication behaviors in Asia and America. In Asia, they use a collectivistic behavior while in America, they use an individualistic behavior. As for myself, then I think I have both communication behaviors in me. Being collectivistic is important to me as well as using the individualistic behavior in the work force in America.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Blog Entry15
When I came across the different attachment styles in Chapter 15: Family and Life-span Issues and it asked which best describe your feeling, I could relate myself to the secure and avoidant styles. You don’t use a specific style in every situation and to everyone. I am a very secure person when in comes to my boyfriend. I trust him more than I trust myself. And through the years I have become dependent on him (not good). However, I am not this secure person to everyone. To my friends I am a more avoidant person. I trust my friends but there is a limit. I don’t tell them my feelings of insecurity. I know that in any relationship you need to trust your partner before they can trust you. But it is just a matter of how much trust we are willing to give out and receive. Everyone has his/her limit.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Blog Entry14
Chapter 13: Goals in Interpersonal Communication defines the different conflict styles. Sad but true, I find myself using the competing style when I am in conflict with my boyfriend. When you are in that situation, all you think about is to show the other partner that you are going to win the conflict. Even though you don’t want to, you tend to concern more about your self than your partner. In fact, you will become more selfish because you are caught in the moment. So, who is right and wrong does not matter. What matter is who will have the last word, until both of you calm down and common sense comes to your mind. This is when my boyfriend and I use the compromising style and come to an agreement, and everything is good till the cycle begins again.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Blog Entry13
The introduction in Chapter 12: Seeking Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships, was very interesting because I haven’t experienced any parent, who would do that to their children in public. Personally, I don’t know if I could humiliate my children in public like that but I definitely agree with this mom that something has to be done for the children in our society today to behave more accordingly.
The concept that I could resonate more with was reward power. Today, I see parents work hard and spend less time with their children. Therefore, they use a different strategy to make up the time with their children. My boyfriend’s cousin is 16 and her parents work constantly because they own a business, so they buy her laptop, iPods, clothes, game boys, etc. Basically, they feel bad that they can’t spend time with her. They are lucky that she has become a good girl. Some teenagers can go into the wrong direction because of the lack of attention from parents.
The concept that I could resonate more with was reward power. Today, I see parents work hard and spend less time with their children. Therefore, they use a different strategy to make up the time with their children. My boyfriend’s cousin is 16 and her parents work constantly because they own a business, so they buy her laptop, iPods, clothes, game boys, etc. Basically, they feel bad that they can’t spend time with her. They are lucky that she has become a good girl. Some teenagers can go into the wrong direction because of the lack of attention from parents.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Blog Entry12
From the lecture notes, jealousy in a relationship is to achieve equity by those who are insecure about their relationships. I have definitely seen this in many people and some people are really not aware of their jealousy. I think it is acceptable to be jealous but only to a certain point. Some people can be so overwhelming jealous that it can hurt their relationship.
In fact, my friend is experiencing this jealousy from her boyfriend. His jealousy has come to a point where he doesn’t like her to wear makeup anymore. She used to be this fashionable girl, but since she dated this guy, she went through a complete transformation. Now she only wears casual clothes and no make up. I asked her why and she said that her boyfriend doesn’t like when guys look at her. I find this too much. I couldn’t believe that she even let him control her so much. Also, he doesn’t like her talking to her childhood male friend. However, she told me that she sometimes follow him to see if he is telling the truth. Obviously, they both are very insecure in their relationship. But when they don’t have any trust in each other, they will have a hard time to move on. For them, they are convinced that they do it out of love. No doubt that they love each other, but I think they approach it the wrong way.
In fact, my friend is experiencing this jealousy from her boyfriend. His jealousy has come to a point where he doesn’t like her to wear makeup anymore. She used to be this fashionable girl, but since she dated this guy, she went through a complete transformation. Now she only wears casual clothes and no make up. I asked her why and she said that her boyfriend doesn’t like when guys look at her. I find this too much. I couldn’t believe that she even let him control her so much. Also, he doesn’t like her talking to her childhood male friend. However, she told me that she sometimes follow him to see if he is telling the truth. Obviously, they both are very insecure in their relationship. But when they don’t have any trust in each other, they will have a hard time to move on. For them, they are convinced that they do it out of love. No doubt that they love each other, but I think they approach it the wrong way.
Blog Entry11
Chapter 11: De-escalating Relationships focus on issues in a relationship. Everyone in a relationship have probably experience issues because of some disagreements with their partners. Sometimes it is just small issues and other times it is big issues that can lead to divorces. As they all say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. So how can two different planets agree on everything?
As the book indicates, some factors contribute to a decline in intimacy include loss of shared goals or interests. One of my relative is actually going though this stage with her husband. They were considered as a very happy couple. Until recently, things changed. They were close to divorce for a couple of months ago but they are trying to give their marriage another try. The issue was that she changed but he didn’t. She started to value other things while he maintained his values. Also, he couldn’t accept these changes of her. They are still having problems but that they are willing to give it another try means that they still love each other.
In a relationship changes always occur; therefore, both partners must learn how to adapt to the changes. Otherwise both partners are moving in two different directions.
As the book indicates, some factors contribute to a decline in intimacy include loss of shared goals or interests. One of my relative is actually going though this stage with her husband. They were considered as a very happy couple. Until recently, things changed. They were close to divorce for a couple of months ago but they are trying to give their marriage another try. The issue was that she changed but he didn’t. She started to value other things while he maintained his values. Also, he couldn’t accept these changes of her. They are still having problems but that they are willing to give it another try means that they still love each other.
In a relationship changes always occur; therefore, both partners must learn how to adapt to the changes. Otherwise both partners are moving in two different directions.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Blog Entry10
Chapter 10: Maintaining Relationship caught my attention when I read the relational maintenance and equity section, which started out with a story about Steve and Jennifer. The couple resembles a friend of mine. When ever she goes out eat with her boyfriend, she is likely the one who is paying for the food. The issue is that she is not working but he is. I keep telling her that she should let him pay because he is the one who is working full time, but she responded that he pays for other stuff. Basically, in their relationship everything has to be equal. If one pays for the movie then the other pay for dinner.
As the book indicates, equity is the fairness of what two people put in and what they obtain.
Sorry to say, but I really don’t believe in relationship that is based on equity. Relationship should be the willingness of sharing; it should be out of love, and not just favors or equity. It should just come naturally out of love. I understand if it is the beginning of the relationship, but relationship should generally not be based from equity.
As the book indicates, equity is the fairness of what two people put in and what they obtain.
Sorry to say, but I really don’t believe in relationship that is based on equity. Relationship should be the willingness of sharing; it should be out of love, and not just favors or equity. It should just come naturally out of love. I understand if it is the beginning of the relationship, but relationship should generally not be based from equity.
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