Blog Entry16

From the lecture notes, I was familiar with the collectivistic and individualistic concepts. Because I am an International Business major, I came across the terms many times. Most International Businesses classes mentioned about the differences of communication behaviors in Asia and America. In Asia, they use a collectivistic behavior while in America, they use an individualistic behavior. As for myself, then I think I have both communication behaviors in me. Being collectivistic is important to me as well as using the individualistic behavior in the work force in America.

Blog Entry15

When I came across the different attachment styles in Chapter 15: Family and Life-span Issues and it asked which best describe your feeling, I could relate myself to the secure and avoidant styles. You don’t use a specific style in every situation and to everyone. I am a very secure person when in comes to my boyfriend. I trust him more than I trust myself. And through the years I have become dependent on him (not good). However, I am not this secure person to everyone. To my friends I am a more avoidant person. I trust my friends but there is a limit. I don’t tell them my feelings of insecurity. I know that in any relationship you need to trust your partner before they can trust you. But it is just a matter of how much trust we are willing to give out and receive. Everyone has his/her limit.

Blog Entry14

Chapter 13: Goals in Interpersonal Communication defines the different conflict styles. Sad but true, I find myself using the competing style when I am in conflict with my boyfriend. When you are in that situation, all you think about is to show the other partner that you are going to win the conflict. Even though you don’t want to, you tend to concern more about your self than your partner. In fact, you will become more selfish because you are caught in the moment. So, who is right and wrong does not matter. What matter is who will have the last word, until both of you calm down and common sense comes to your mind. This is when my boyfriend and I use the compromising style and come to an agreement, and everything is good till the cycle begins again.

Blog Entry13

The introduction in Chapter 12: Seeking Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships, was very interesting because I haven’t experienced any parent, who would do that to their children in public. Personally, I don’t know if I could humiliate my children in public like that but I definitely agree with this mom that something has to be done for the children in our society today to behave more accordingly.

The concept that I could resonate more with was reward power. Today, I see parents work hard and spend less time with their children. Therefore, they use a different strategy to make up the time with their children. My boyfriend’s cousin is 16 and her parents work constantly because they own a business, so they buy her laptop, iPods, clothes, game boys, etc. Basically, they feel bad that they can’t spend time with her. They are lucky that she has become a good girl. Some teenagers can go into the wrong direction because of the lack of attention from parents.

Blog Entry12

From the lecture notes, jealousy in a relationship is to achieve equity by those who are insecure about their relationships. I have definitely seen this in many people and some people are really not aware of their jealousy. I think it is acceptable to be jealous but only to a certain point. Some people can be so overwhelming jealous that it can hurt their relationship.
In fact, my friend is experiencing this jealousy from her boyfriend. His jealousy has come to a point where he doesn’t like her to wear makeup anymore. She used to be this fashionable girl, but since she dated this guy, she went through a complete transformation. Now she only wears casual clothes and no make up. I asked her why and she said that her boyfriend doesn’t like when guys look at her. I find this too much. I couldn’t believe that she even let him control her so much. Also, he doesn’t like her talking to her childhood male friend. However, she told me that she sometimes follow him to see if he is telling the truth. Obviously, they both are very insecure in their relationship. But when they don’t have any trust in each other, they will have a hard time to move on. For them, they are convinced that they do it out of love. No doubt that they love each other, but I think they approach it the wrong way.

Blog Entry11

Chapter 11: De-escalating Relationships focus on issues in a relationship. Everyone in a relationship have probably experience issues because of some disagreements with their partners. Sometimes it is just small issues and other times it is big issues that can lead to divorces. As they all say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. So how can two different planets agree on everything?

As the book indicates, some factors contribute to a decline in intimacy include loss of shared goals or interests. One of my relative is actually going though this stage with her husband. They were considered as a very happy couple. Until recently, things changed. They were close to divorce for a couple of months ago but they are trying to give their marriage another try. The issue was that she changed but he didn’t. She started to value other things while he maintained his values. Also, he couldn’t accept these changes of her. They are still having problems but that they are willing to give it another try means that they still love each other.

In a relationship changes always occur; therefore, both partners must learn how to adapt to the changes. Otherwise both partners are moving in two different directions.

Blog Entry10

Chapter 10: Maintaining Relationship caught my attention when I read the relational maintenance and equity section, which started out with a story about Steve and Jennifer. The couple resembles a friend of mine. When ever she goes out eat with her boyfriend, she is likely the one who is paying for the food. The issue is that she is not working but he is. I keep telling her that she should let him pay because he is the one who is working full time, but she responded that he pays for other stuff. Basically, in their relationship everything has to be equal. If one pays for the movie then the other pay for dinner.

As the book indicates, equity is the fairness of what two people put in and what they obtain.
Sorry to say, but I really don’t believe in relationship that is based on equity. Relationship should be the willingness of sharing; it should be out of love, and not just favors or equity. It should just come naturally out of love. I understand if it is the beginning of the relationship, but relationship should generally not be based from equity.

Blog Entry9

From chapter 9: Escalating Relationships, physical beauty defined by cultural standards came to my mind. Each culture does define beauty very differently. And, it surprised me how much they differ.

In my Vietnamese culture, being “white” in skin is beauty. This light color indicates cleanness and richness. So it doesn’t matter how one looks, what matter is the white skin. I remember when I went to Vietnam for the first time in 2000; people were looking at me on the street because I am really pale. Some kids (who I didn’t know) came up to me just to touch my shoulder (it was kind of scary). What was hilarious was that my dad’s legs were paler than mine and they were really after his legs. They knew right away that we came from a foreign country.

Contrary, in my Danish culture, people like dark skin. My friends go to a tan salon once a week to get darker.

Blog Entry8

At first when I read the concept of “Equivocation” I didn’t really understand what it really meant by “protecting the self and help others manage their identities.” After reading the first dialog between Person Y and Z, it gave me a better understanding of equivocation. And, it reminded me of what I answered when people ask me when I will get married. Well, I guess in Asian culture, people assume that you will marry with your partner if you have been with him for so long (I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years). So, when they keep asking me this question, I never give them a straight answer because I know that things will change. So, my answer will always be “how much are you willing to put aside every day?” (In Vietnamese culture we always attend a wedding with “lucky” money). Some will ask why, and I would again answer, “because if you set aside 25 cents each day then I will marry in 10 years, but if you set a side 5 dollars each day then I will marry next year.” The conversation will always result in laughter with no definite answer. Sometimes, people ask me too many times, so I just needed to find away around the question.

Blog Entry7

It was hard for me to find a specific concept that relates to me from chapter 8: defending the self. I would say that I am a little of everything, depending on the situations that I am involved in. If I did something bad to someone, then I will give this person an apology. And, if I find myself uncomfortable in a situation I will find excuses. Or, if someone asks me to perform an illegal task then I will refuse to do so. I find this chapter related to chapter 6, as defending your self is also like a drama. You just perform your role as it comes. However, I think it is important to follow the rule of honesty when you adapt to these concepts. So, when you do find excuses, then do it out of honesty.

Blog Entry6

I see the concept of relationship-based motivation from chapter 7 in my cousin’s relationship with her husband. She is the type of a woman who doesn’t want to raise issues that has been “resolved.” Some times her husband hurts her feelings, or even does some things that she doesn’t even know. But from a woman’s perspective, she does deserve to know. One day, he went buying a new car to his dad without letting her know it first. I think she did have the right to know this because they share everything and that includes the finances. After she knew that her husband bought the car for her father-in-law, she felt left out. However, she did not complain it to her husband but she shared it with me. No matter what, the car was bought, so for her, it did not make sense to bring the issue up again. She felt sad but if she brings the issue up, their relationship will end up in argument. She prefers to be the one feeling unsatisfied than having their relationship having issue. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to live with the issue without discussing it.

Blog Entry5

Just by reading the first concept of dramaturgical perspective from chapter 6, I could already relate myself to it. I think that life is like a drama where we do perform like actors. We all have basic personalities, which make us unique and it gives us a character. But when we divide ourselves into different social groups we act upon group. The same when we divide into subgroups, where we try to fit in and act as the group.

I must say that I can be a different person depending on who I am with and in which situations. I am different when I am with my family, as I act more protective and aggressive. But when I am with my boyfriend, I act like I need to be protected and more depended. In school, however, I am shy and don’t talk much. Also, among my friends I can act differently. I have some friends who I just act crazy and go clubbing with. I have some friends who I just hang out with a cup of coffee and have a mature conversation with. Then, I have friends who I only go shopping with.

However, characteristics that are always the same is my thoughts, beliefs, and how I treat people.

Blog Entry4

When I read the “Interpersonal Expectations” concept from chapter 5, I find myself related to the concept.

I used to have those expectations of other people and of situations. Before I met someone, I imagined the scenes in my mind of that person and of the surroundings. I imagine how the person would think of me and whether how he/she is like as a person. However, I often get disappointed because when what I experience with this person doesn’t turn out to be as expected. My boyfriend always advised me to take it as it comes because I will always be sad.

When I went to the job interview yesterday, I had expected the vice president to be more professional and talked more job-related questions to me, but I was disappointed. She was mean and was very straight forward with her opinion. I came 25 minutes earlier to the interview but she didn’t like that I came too early. She is a little scary.

Blog Entry3

From chapter 16, I find myself related to attentiveness of Conversational involvement and conversational narcissism, depending on situations. I think I am a great listener and I participate actively during an interaction when it comes to family and friends no matter what the topic is. Other times I don't get as much involved in conversations as I am supposed to as I become more passive. Esepcially when I have an uninteresting topic with other people, I can lose track sometimes.

Today, I went to an interview at this small family company. The vice president interviewed me and we started out fine. But sometimes she talked about topics that were so irrelevant for the interview, so for some seconds I kind of lost track of what she was saying. I just nodded while she was talking. While I was looking at her and nodding, I was thinking about how unprofessional she looked as a vice president. At the same time, I studied her body language and her face expressions. Then, she asked me questions and I was right on track again (Got the job). Then, my attentiveness came to my awarewess again.

I don’t think I have an issue with listening, but I guess it is important for what the topic is about and with whom. I do hear what others have to say, but I just have my own thoughts sometimes.

Blog Entry2

Chapter 14, which was about self and society, resemble one of my weaknesses, which is communication apprehension. I just don’t like the thought of everyone looking at me while I am speaking. I remember when I took the public speech class, it was horrible. Even though I practiced my speech over and over again, my mind went empty as soon as I stand in front of the class. My accents became stronger, I stuttered, my face turned red, I became dependent on my notes, and I avoided eye contact. I basically just HATED IT.

In fact, one time we had to pick a topic by lottery and you had 5 minutes to prepare for your speech and 5 minutes to present it. My topic was “Tattoo.” While preparing for this topic, I thought that I would have so many ideas to talk about. However, as I finished my first sentence, which was only introducing the topic, I totally went blank. It was so embarrassing. After the 5 minute past, I went to my seat and then all ideas came to my mind; however, it was too late.

Today, I still have this communication apprehension. But it is hard when you are a business major as it requires having those skills in the field. I am trying to improve this skill but I still become nervous of just the thought of presenting in front of people. If I can, then I prefer to skip it.

However, I am doing fine when interacting in small groups, attending a large social gathering, or even in my relationships. These are also called for the state and trait communication apprehension from the text.

Maybe it is because of all of the eyes looking at me at once. Maybe it is my voice. Maybe it is just ME. One thing for sure, I don’t like public speaking!!!!

Blog Entry1

After reading chapter 4: Fundamentals of Listening, the concept that I agree with is how the verbal communication style of direct/ indirect occur between different cultures. In the text, it emphasizes that a listener must adapt to a speaker’s style. From my own experience, I find this very true.
Growing up with two different cultures I can resonate myself how the Danish use a more direct communication style compared to my Vietnamese background. For instance, at school I had to adapt to my teachers’ style when the teachers encouraged us to speak up in class and give comments. Also, they encouraged us to be more direct in our talking and behaviors.
Contrary, when I come home I have to adapt to my parents’ style of communication. When my parents were lecturing my sisters and I, we cannot comment on them even if you knew they were wrong. We just agreed with them. Also, the Vietnamese style of communication is not approached directly. They tend to “talk around the table”. This is mainly because in Asian cultures, they don’t want to “lose face.” This is mostly when the topic can embarrass either the sender or the receiver, or both.

Week 1

Let me introduce myself. My name is Phuong. I was born in Vietnam, but came to Denmark with my family when I was 4 years old. At the age of 19 I came to America to study, and now it has been 7 years since I left my family. My motto about my life is: Born in Vietnam, raised in Denmark, live in USA.
I am double majoring in International Business and Finance. Though, I have great interests in communications. If everything goes after plan, then I will graduate in the fall 2008.
Living in America without family has been the hardest, but I have nice relatives who have helped me through the years. Especially, one person: my boyfriend, who has been the biggest supporter and now part of my life. My weakness is shopping. It seems like I can never get enough of that.
After summer courses end, I will be leaving to Denmark to visit my family for a month. Yeah!!!

In identifying a concept that resonate me from the text is the different types of nonverbal communications from chapter 3. These nonverbal communications are emphasized by facial expressions, kinesics, haptics, vocalics or paralanguage, proxemics, physical appearance, chronemics, and the physical environment. I can relate to these nonverbal communications because I have experienced different types of nonverbal communications. Generally, the Vietnamese, the Europeans, and the Americans use different nonverbal communications. For instance, in using space, the Vietnamese prefer to be closer than the Danish. At home, I use the Vietnamese nonverbal communications. When I was with my friends in Denmark, I used the Danish way of nonverbal communications. Now, I have learned and adapted the American way of nonverbal communications. Therefore, nonverbal communications are definitely part of our everyday life.